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Offbeats Cloning Laboratory

“Clone Me Now” drawing by Judith Mazanetz.
Long before the current interest in human cloning, Offbeats began the quest for the perfect audience.
Since crowds have disappeared from so many local clubs in order to stay home and watch Baywatch re-runs,
we had to find a new group of fans. Why not make our own? Starting with some frog volunteers, we began
looking for techniques that would make it feasable to grow up some real Offbeat fans. Well, the wait was
worth it. Our newly-patented Offbeat PCR (Polymerase Chain Reaction for the bio-technology-challenged)
system will allow us to create a clone audience that truly appreciates our brand of rock-ska music.

What we need now is some sample DNA from our existing fans. Thanks to modern technology, we don’t
actually need any of your bodily fluids…simple take a minute and write down your genetic code
(or even just your email address) and we’ll
take it from there. We will then add the patented Offbeat SKA-1 gene which we have painstakingly created
from a few selected Ska fanatics. If you don’t know your genetic code, you can probably persuade your
local medical school to help you deduce it. Please be sure to include any plasmids you might contain and
be sure to send both chromosomes from each pair. (You may remove any extra chromosomes you might have
lying around.) Just e-mail us the thousand or so pages of base-pair sequences and we’ll have your clones
up front and drinking at our next show. And thanks for your help! (Please hurry: Congress is wise to us
and intends to shut down the lab as soon as they get their act together…on second thought, no hurry.)